Why is unconditional love important

Everyone wants their child to be successful. However, these days, the pressure to perform well, academically, athletically, and socially, has many parents pushing their children to achieve, even before elementary school starts. While you have the best intentions for your child you only want them to be happy, after all , if your love hinges on how well your child performs, you may be doing more harm than good.

Putting too much focus on success and making your approval dependent on how much your child achieves weakens your bond and hurts their development across the board. The love you show to your child should be constant and unchanging, regardless of what they do, for several reasons. Those who experience high levels of stress in childhood are at much higher risk for a variety of health concerns, including depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, cardiovascular problems, and high cholesterol levels.

Children who experience unconditional love from their caregivers, on the other hand, are more resistant to these health risks. When a child is raised in a loving and nurturing environment, they are able to thrive mentally and emotionally.

When parents are unconditionally loving, children are physically healthier as well. One study that came out of McGill University focused on the health effects of authoritarian parents when compared to authoritative parents.

In contrast, authoritative parents discipline their children but also are affectionate unconditionally. Children with authoritarian parents were more than 30 percent more likely to be obese than children with authoritative parents. We are offering codependent love. In codependent relationships , we are so set on maintaining the dynamics in the relationships that we excuse or enable unacceptable behavior.

Again, this leads us to a place of unbalanced power and control rather than into a place of truly connected love in which we offer each person an opportunity to be responsible for their behavior with us. There's a distinct line between loving someone through the hardships vs. The latter becomes apparent when the relationship is no longer offering the basic needs of a relationship. If someone has harmed you and they are not willing to repair it, then you need to set a limit for your own well-being.

If you find that the relationship has devolved into behavior that lacks kindness and respect, then it's likely that a boundary needs to be set. This is especially true if you have tried to communicate clearly and still see no change. If you are enabling the person in a way that negatively affects your well-being, that isn't unconditional love—it's unhealthy, codependent love. While we can offer unconditional love to others even when they are being difficult , we don't have to offer love without bounds.

You can offer love that has no strings attached while still having boundaries. Unconditional love gets muddied when we believe that we have to continually offer that love even when basic relational expectations are no longer being fulfilled. Unconditional love means "right now, I offer you this love, and you are not indebted to me.

For example, let's take a healthy relationship in which a couple is offering each other the basic and necessary expectations in a relationship—kindness, respect, and safety. And then, that changes—one person goes through something and begins to treat their partner with disrespect or cruelty. When that changes, you can choose to put boundaries in place or distance yourself.

This doesn't mean your love hasn't been unconditional. In this case, you offered your love freely as long as you could, and then in the moment you needed to care for yourself, you set healthy boundaries. Unconditional love means offering love without conditions in that moment.

It does not necessarily mean forever. It means, "The love I am giving you right now is yours to keep. I am doing it of my own free will. You owe me nothing in return. It also is the type of love that allows us to continually reassess the relationship and decide, over time, if it is still working for us and if we are still able to give our love so freely.

The word unconditional can sometimes create confusion or lead us to place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and the way we love.

If it's easier, consider instead the idea of wholehearted love. Wholehearted loving means leaning into the vulnerability of offering our love because we want to offer it. Offering our love in this way means that we give it because it feels good to give it and not because we expect a particular outcome. Wholehearted love also acknowledges and prioritizes the wholeness of both the people. To give wholehearted love, you must love your partner and yourself wholly.

You will know it is wholehearted love when both people are willing to enter with their whole heart. When each person has a voice. When challenges are reflected upon. When growth happens. When there is no scoreboard because you are on the same team and not on opposing teams.

You will know it is not wholehearted love if there are strings attached, debts owed, and boundaries violated. You will especially know when you find that the basic expectations of love, kindness, and safety are not being respected. If you're wondering what that kind of love looks like in practice , here are a few ways to love wholeheartedly:. Want your passion for wellness to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach!

Enroll today to join our upcoming live office hours. Our FREE doctor-approved gut health guide. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Ideally, you will find someone who can also love unconditionally. This way you both can flourish even during the hard times. However, even love that has conditions can be worthwhile and those conditions may dissolve with time spent together and work from both people. Yes, loving someone unconditionally means loving them through thick and thin and giving this love freely even during times of extreme relationship turmoil and this can feel like a lot of work!

You may love them regardless of what they do or you may not. Unconditional love will not change from these types of events. Nothing can shake it. Even if you feel other emotions like anger, disgust, fear, or disappointment, the love remains. While this may feel obvious to some, it may not be to others who have lived in environments with unhealthy power dynamics e. If you grew up with an active addict in the home or someone who was actively experiencing mental illness like depression, anxiety , or bipolar disorder, you may have learned unhealthy ways of asking for love and giving love.

But at any stage in your story, you can start encouraging and nurturing feelings of unconditional love. Try these strategies to get started.

Unconditional love is free from the type of judgement you find in power-imbalanced romantic relationships. Rather, this healthy love type involves reasonable and realistic compromise, fair negotiations, and sometimes personal sacrifice, but never all from one person all the time.

Power-sharing is crucial to maintaining an even ebb and flow that fosters a healthy relationship between two people. If one person hoards the power, an imbalance occurs that leaves people vulnerable to feelings of resentment.

You can practice to love unconditionally with pets and plants. Write down any current expectations you may have. Some examples include expecting your plants to grow, flower, or fruit and expecting your pets to love you in return give affection and behave appropriately because of how much you love them.

While having expectations is healthy and normal, attaching those expectations to love is a choice. The same holds true when we talk about unconditional self-loving. Ask yourself what current conditions limit your capacity for self-love?

Is it the concept of grades, salary, weight, or where you live? From now on, consider these external factors as giant concrete walls standing in the way of loving yourself unconditionally.

As these walls come down, self-acceptance and forgiveness can begin to take root. Now, rather than building walls for protection, you are growing roots for strength. Sometimes enforcing your personal boundaries will be a driving force behind leaving unhealthy relationships and this is a positive thing! You can still love people from afar when necessary for your personal wellbeing and safety.

Like all kinds of love, the concept of conditional love exists on a spectrum.